The CSB Experience 4: An Almost Defense (The Final Fight of My College Life)

24 hours ago, I was standing in front of three ladies sitting plus another one sitting by the side. Sweat is drenching my sando wet beneath my black polo shirt with white stripes and my leather-coated feet are numb from all these pressure. It was at this moment that I knew that this is going to be the highlight of my CSB experience: The final fight of my college life, the final fight of my life as a student for 17 years.

Earlier that day (April 29, 2011), it was almost past 2am and I called it a night after hours of polishing all that is needed for my upcoming external defense for my thesis film, "An Almost Affair". Lucky for me, I have the whole day ahead of to do some last-minute changes and some last-minute errands to truly make worth of all these.

 My parents, especially my mom had a lot of faith in me and I know that I could not let her down. She has been supportive of my efforts ever since I started my thesis project a year ago despite my dad's objections. My dad, who was reluctant of my capability of the task ahead, swore to me months before that I won't be able to finish this nor will I be able to finish school on time. He only got one part of that right though: I definitely did not finish school on time as I decided way before that I'll be extending my stay for at least one term to give myself time to finish my requirements (aside from circumstances beyond my control).

Seeing that my own dad doesn't have that much faith in what I am doing, I worked extra hard to prove him wrong that I can be able to accomplish my task even if it kills me (well, not exactly but it gave me sleepless nights however hahaha!).

Fast-forward to yesterday, I woke up and ate breakfast before storming my way back to my mom's laptop to do some last minute checking. After reviewing the DVD I burned the day before, I saw some flaws that I needed to correct. Fortunately, I had the benefit of time to do this in addition to having to print out my forms and other what not.

I left that afternoon to go to Malabon to pick up my collaterals. Hours earlier, I was able to call them to check up on my order (3 sets of customized desktop clocks and bagtags) and the printing shop who I hired to do my order said I could picked them up. It was a joy for me actually because earlier that week, their shop was closed for two straight days before Friday. Such a relief that they decided to not close shop on THIS particular day.

Afterwards, I flew away to a mall in Manila near my school to have my hair cut. That cost me 300 smackers which kind hurt my wallet because my mom only gave me Php200 to cover for my hair-cut (Too bad, I should have chosen Gruppong Barbero in Pedro Gil if I am truly on a tight budget). Soon, I went to my mom's office to pick up my poster plus my collateral t-shirts who I asked her to bring with at the office.

With less than an hour to go, I went to Vito Cruz with my eyes set for the gold. As I laid foot on the SDA's steppes, I had a brief glimpse of the whole building, pausing before stepping inside.

Since we, thesis defendants, were told by Miss Lai to go to panel in costume, I decided to look the part of the unfaithful husband in my story, I even brought with me the same ring that one of my actors wore during filming, a gold ring with embedded snow symbols.

It was near-past 7pm when our batch were finally allowed to defended their respective projects. I was supposed to be second in line but due to some mishaps, I was bumped off to defend 4th to the last defended. It was okay as it gave me additional time to properly check on everything on my end.

Finally, the hour of judgment came upon me. I know that I cannot afford to make any mistakes so all I have to do is do the best that I can do, be confident and be honest with every single word that I utter.

I was lucky that I didn't have to show the panelists my PowerPoint presentation as I only have to summarize to them what my project is all about in order to save time before finally show the whole project. While the movie was playing, I could see that everyone in the audience (including Miss Lai and Poch who stayed to watch my work) were reacting well. Although there were some minor mishaps in terms of the weird volume levels of my movie's audio, it didn't stop everyone from totally enjoying "An Almost Affair".

After the showing, they gave me their critique. Most of them were positive, with the negative ones I also took into account as well. What was really fulfilling was when they said that it is amazing that I was able to achieve everything I worked hard all by my lonesome although I was told that I have to be more of an "extrovert" especially in terms of my scriptwriting skills. They say it's too tight so I have to make it more "conversational" hehehe. I guess I could blame the way that I write on how I was trained in Sondesn in terms of making scripts, not to mention my internship as a scriptwriter for a radio program hehehe.

Nonetheless, after they gave me the verdict, letting me know that I PASSED! My work's not gonna go to the archive though but knowing that I passed is enough for me to really call this a victory.

I wanna cry right now....And as I'm writing this extremely long blog entry, tears are flowing down from my eyes. I just could not believe it. I finally did it. All those hard work, all those hardships, and all the ups and downs I have to endure and undergo for the past four years have all bore fruit.

Soon enough, this chapter of my life, lasting 17 pages long, will end in three months. Three months from now, I'll be in that stage and getting that diploma that was 17 years in the making.

As I am about to leave college, a bigger world is waiting for me under its wings, to face reality and begin the rest of my life.

By July 2, 2011 the CSB experience will be finally complete.

The CSB Experience 4: The Upcoming Fourth Third and Final Finals Week

Wow….Lapit na ba? Di nga? Seriously? Naks…

Parang kailan lang talaga, sinusulat ko noon kung gaano ako kinakabahan dala ng finals week. Much more na lagi ko sinasabi na pahirap at pahirap ang mga kinukuha kong mga klase kada term kaya wala dapat akong excuse para maglalamya-lamya lamang.

Sa susunod na linggo, simula na ng fourth-third-and-hopefully-final finals week ko sa Benilde. As always kinakabahan ako pero di gaya sa mga nakaraang trimester, mas lalo akong nag-aalala ngayon dahil ito na nga mismo ang make-or-break moment ko. Lunes na Lunes pa lang, magiging busy ako dahil finals ko sa BIZ2 class ko. Buti na lang, walang pagsusulit ang kinakailangan sa’min kungdi mga revisions lang sa final business plan namin. Frustrating lang talaga na kinakailangan talaga na i-ayon ko sa kung ano ang gusto makita ni Miss Lim ang papel ko. Considering na na-late ako nung araw ng defense ko, di ko afford ang di pumasok na maaga dahil alanganin na ako rito. Kailangan ko ring alalahanin na may kailangan akong isumite sa kaklase kong si Ralph para sa ipapasang CD para kay Miss Lim.

Sa Miyerkules naman, medyo dapat noon ko na dapat tong binigyan ng pansin: ang pagbuo ng mga reflection papers para sa Ordev-C ko kay Chef Delia. Alam ko na anytime ay maari ko na lang iyon isubmit pero ang daming mga pangyayari na nagpumigil sakin na gawin ang isang bagay na kasing-simple kagaya nito. Hay….

Pero ang di ko talaga dapat palampasin ay ang darating na external defense ko sa PROJ2. Thesis film ang bibigyang depensa ko kaya dapat na ipaghanda ko ito ng mabuti. Pero mas kinakabahan ako dahil habang sinusulat ko ang blog na ito, wala pa rin akong ideya kung natanggap na ni Miss Lai ang aking email kung saan naka-attach doon ang mga hinihingi niyang mga dokumento at iba pang mga kailanganin para masecure ko ang  endorsement ko sa kanya. Di puwedeng sabihin niya sa'kin na wala siyang natanggap sa kin kungdi kakasuhan ko ang eskuwelahan.LoLz

Lubos na pinaghirapan ko ang thesis film ko, kahit di kagandahan ang pag-arte ng mga nakuha kong mga “artista”, kahit papaano naging tapat sila sakin at nanatili hanggang sa huling sandali. Alam ko na may pagkukulang ako habang nasa produksyon pa ang pelikula pero ako ay lubos na nagpapasalamat dahil kungdi dahil sa mga tao na malapit sakin nang lubos, maaring napunta sa wala ang lahat ng aking pinaghirapan,

Alam ko na hindi pa huli ang lahat. Di pa nagtatapos hanggang sa ito ay matapos ko na. Ayoko pa tumagal sa eskuwela dahil lamang may bagsak ako. Gagawin ko ang lahat ng aking mkakaya para mabigyang katuparan ang pangako na binigay ko sa aking sarili, ang makatapos ng pag-aaral.

Kaya ko ‘to, kaya na’ting lahat ito!

The CSB Experience 4: Diskusyones Tungkol sa Ingles

Okay, I just got off from a really heated discussion for most of the night today, April 18, 2011, with Marlon, Poch and by extension Jeco over something so little and so non-life threatening.

Apparently, they think that I should have used a different language other than English as the medium of the trailer of my thesis film, "An Almost Affair". Basically they said that I'm marketing what is essentially a "pang-masa" product the wrong way because I'm using English for my promotion.

What started out without simple, "Tagalog na lang, para mas babagay pa doon" became long and complicated posts. All because they think my reasoning for even using ESOL in my trailer is lame. I do recognize that they're giving out constructive criticism for me because I am, after-all, going out to panel (in the hopes of becoming CSB''s next top graduate lol). But for a silly thing, I felt the urge to stand by it through thick and thin.

Why?

Because I target a market that is above socio-economic lines. Masa, yes and for the sake of trying to give a clear explanation, every scripted content targets a specific demo, not necessarily based on income but on the basis on age and sex, etc.. Masa is supposed to mean "everybody" as in "every frakking single one of us from all walks of life". Masa is not CDE, it is the whole freaking alphabet soup.

As a media person, aren't I responsible of at least contribute to the development of our people, to help them aspire and reach for the gold?

The trailer I made is the first time that I actually had someone to voice over with. I made this trailer without thinking the use of language would be such an issue to some.

To market it to my market (is that right?), I should promote it in a way that fits their tastes and lfiestyles daw. Although this is true, is it necessary that I dumb the trailer down or make it look sosyal? Can't it rest in the middle?

If you guys wanna know what I wrote in my MP regarding who I am targeting, I only mentioned the specific age/sex demo which I know could benefit from watching An Almost Affair. That's my primary target market and that is all there is to it. My guide says it's only optional for me to include any secondary market so I decided to just focus with my prime one.

Maybe people just don't understand my viewpoint, bulol and all that. Maybe because I've watching far too many TV that it somehow shaped the way I view things. Not just on TV but also with the books I read, on radio. Maybe, people just cannot see what I want to achieve.

Sure, I could be a little defensive...Because if I were to take criticism, then what's the point of defending in the first place? I'm just defending my idea.

I already told them naman I'll see if I could produce a Filipino-language version of the trailer. Not exactly word per word but, as a trailer of its own,. Just so in order to silence them forever with their complaining.

And yes, I've been through these episodes before...Most especially my heated debates with Jeco since the days when he used to be so active in Multiply. I fight for what I believe in and I strive make a difference. I accept my flaws and I embrace them. I know I rant but because I say what it is on my mind although I am careful with what I say.

I don't wanna hurt people but people keep on hurting me. I don't fight back with a sword nor a gun but I fight using myself. I can take every blow but none of them could every bring me down.

Whether or not those peeps at panel won't probably like my idea...I will stand by it. They try me to conform to the standards but I want to go on and become the change I try seek, the change that I want to be. Win or lose...I stand by it.

And seriously? Ang laki ng issue niyo sa paggamit ko ng English sa trailer?

People, just come on!