The CSB Expierence 3: "Ang Cheesy Talaga!"

Just got my first draft back this morning during my Vidprod1 class and Sir Dodos gave me some good pointers on developing my screenplay since it has potential. He noted the way I write sucky "cheesy lines" which is true. Blame it on the many soaps I've watched in the past up til the present.

I've yet to make changes on the initial 10-page draft but already have a couple of ideas on what the necessary edits should be.

First: the working title. Before, I named my story in its earliest conception as "The Loving", which I chose because the title refers to my core characters whose views and perspectives about love and life are different yet the essentialy same.

But I realized that I can't use it as a title since there's this old series that also goes simply as "Loving". That show ended more than 10 years ago so I made a temporary change in the meantime as a Filipino translation of the first working title: "Ang Pagmamahal".

My prof cited that the title itself reveals too much about the plot so I was thinking of a new name that fits well with what I'm trying to show from my way of storytelling. Got a bit inspired from another show, the title of the script at present is "Twists and Turns". I won't reveal much on what my story's all about but as a small teaser, I made a flash forward containing an vital twist that serves as the end result of the consequences inflicted upon the characters.

I'll leave you guys with this bit from "Twists and Turns"":

Scene ?: EXT-CEMETERY-LATE AFTERNOON

Sabi ng iba, binibiyaya ang mga taong nabubuhay sa mabuti habang ang mga nabubuhay lamang sa masama ay pinarurusahan. Paano kaya kung ang mabuti ay hindi nararapat sa biyayang natatanggap niya at ang masama ay nasa tama? Ito ang kuwento ng tatlong tao na may kani-kaniyang ambisyon sa buhay. May kani-kaniyang kabutihan at kasamaan, at lahat ay nagnanais na lumigaya.

Scene ?: INT-CARASCO BEDROOM-EVENING

LILY, alam mo kung bakit ikaw ang pinili ko bilang tanging tao na mamahalin ko sa buong buhay mo. Mahal kita, iyun lang. Hindi bale kung perfect ka, basta kung mahal mo ako, mahal kita.







SOBRANG CHEESY TALAGA!!