The CSB Experience 4: The August Blues

This month have been a bit rocky at the start for me when things got out of hand but I managed somehow to fix it to some degree. I've been thinking at the time of doing the ultimate sacrifice but at the last minute, decided to see what happens next.

It didn't took long before everything I worked for in the past couple of weeks all went to waste. What occurred definitely hit a nerve and I was in this state of sadness and loneliness. I began to think about the things I want to do in my life, the things that I want to be a part with, the things that I wanna be with and the things that I want to learn from the very best.

And then there's the thought of graduating. It's so close yet so far. I can't even give a sure guarantee that I'll manage to weatehr the storm once I'm in thesis mode. The medium hat I'll be doing seems okay but because of that dang tr-media thing that TPTB wants to impose on us, I'm forced to put a spin on that medium so as to appease my advisors. Boo....

I wrote this on my Facebook not to long ago when I was inspired by that mountain hiking trip I participated last weekend:

"College is like a mountain: From the bottom, you have to climb up until you reach the very top..."

I feel a bit burned out already after more than 3 years in CSB but it doesn't discouraged me from going further to reach my goal. Whatever blockades I face, I know I could overcome them if I have the will and strength to live the life that I want to live.

The real world is harsh, the powers that be can be ruthless, the promise of youth is drained when you're sucked into this vortex of no return. I get it, I've seen it but I've yet to experience it. I see friends already dealing with it, having to resort to being around with a guy who wears a black shirt and they never seem to want to let go of him.

But I know I can get through it, I know the odds are against me but I don't care. Even it means losing everythng I worked hard for, every hope and dreams that gets stashed away. They can never take away my continuing will to dream, to look on the brighter side of things. Critiscism are what shapes me into what I am, what I will, what I want to be.

They see my qualities as my greatest weaknesses, but I say that these are my sources of strength. I could blab about this all day but I stand by my principles, if you call them principles that is.

I'll strive when I'm down, I'll shout for joy when I'm yelled at, I'll smile when I am scorned, and I will walk when I get screwed.

The blues are hitting me like crazy but that's what I get when I feel the need to make myself happy now that in a few weeks, I'll be celebrating 20@10.

:)