Back when I was starting out in college, I wrote on one of my first entries under The CSB Experience a set of goals and ambitions which I hope I could achieve when I reached the end of my collegiate journey. Not only that the things that I want to change within myself and the change that I want to share with others.
Personality-wise, I haven't seen much as happening on a grand-scale three years after but I feel that something within me have changed. A kind of "personal growth" as you may call it, I began to see things in a new perspective, a new viewpoint based from not just what other people see but from what I see it as I go on through life.
Not exactly wising up or anything but looking back, I think I have changed from the inside out.
I may not be the same James/Jaime who first sat foot in M506 trying to impress people on the first day (gelled hair, contact lenses, fitting clothes, shades, etc) but I rediscovered myself, the kind of guy who admits that he's not perfect but is willing to take the risk doing so in order to better himself.
I have taken steps and missteps but regained foothold. I got into some road bumps and detours but eventually found my way through. By the end of the tunnel comes in the light to guide me as I walk amidst the darkness.
An example was when I took up the courage of visiting the exhibit of a student who I looked up to as a role model recently. You can't imagine how nervous I was into meeting him or actually being in his exhibit himself. I just never thought that I could actually do so for the sake of meeting him face-to-face, knowing he won't be around the school for much longer.
Embarrassed and speechless, I was amazed as to how he humble he actually is. A colleauge of his asked me, "Why so nervous?", and I answered with as much strength as I could gather and said, "I'm just like this, when I'm nervous I can't seem to speak well...".
Picking the pieces of my broken self (figuratively and literally), I knew that this is an action I will never regret having done so later in life.
I realized that in life, change does not mean having to change your personality entirely. Change comes from within, and change comes out slowly and unexpectedly than you could imagine.
Change does not mean having to wear a different set of clothes every fashion season that all the other people are wearing because it's the fad or uso, nor does wearing those fancy accesories or get-ups to feel that you belong nor even trying to have a smoke out of a cigarette because it looked very appealing to do so with the rest of these young'uns.
Change is discovering that things you never knew you are good at. Change of seeing yourself on a new light. Change that never you knew will come unexpectedly.
Something for a change, walk into a path you are hesitant to take and see where it will take you. I know because I'm walking on one right now.
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